When the Devil come knocking...

I don’t know if I can keep doing this. The pain of waking up and not being able to figure out what I had taken the night before— because I really don’t feel right. I’ll be honest I feel like death. I feel like I’ve come from the depths of hell.

(Sinister laughing) you have no idea this is just the start of things. Imagine giving it up for life. And feeling this pain every day for eternity. Life is not worth living if you feel like shit. If you can’t get what you truly need like a good set of drugs.

The irritation of nits crawling in my hair, making me want to rip out pieces of my scalp. To make it stop. It will never stop. Please make it stop! My head is bleeding from the irritation. I just can’t seem to take it anymore. How can I take it anymore when the feeling of creepy crawlies crawling all over my skin. Sending shivers down the spine. Making me nauseous; It’s that feeling of their Legs tickling the skin but imagine that feeling on the inside. It makes me want to rip chunks of flesh out of myself to make it stop. But the thing is it never stops. The drugs just make you forget it’s happening. Life goes by a lot quicker when you’re high because it’s a lot more fun. Just the feeling of pushing a needle into my once soft and delicate skin as it pierces the flesh and the buzzing feeling I get when injecting the substance. That feeling is what I live for. Oh the rush I get is amazing!

The idea of giving up haunts me. It follows me wherever I go. I mean if I’m honest I do want to give it up but I don't have the will power! Aaannnddd I quite enjoy the rush. You know just the feeling you get when there’s thunder? The shivering of your spine; it’s like an earthquake but worse like the ground is going to swallow you up and deposit you in hell; probably where I belong. But then again I could already be in hell! Who knows. (Laughing)

It’s like: Maybe you could just push through this time, maybe finally you could be done with this, get back to being a productive member of society. Ok... maybe I will, just after this one last hit, one last hit and then it’ll be over for good. But it’s never one last hit! It happens again and again. I feel like I’m living in a loophole. Just going round and round again and again. It’s probably the whole bloody reason I do drugs. (Chuckles)

I remember this one time I was high right and I was out with my mate and he said to me that he felt a prick like a pin or a needle on the back of his neck. So he turned around and there was this creepy ass looking guy standing there and he looked him dead in the eyes with no expression on his face and said: ‘I’m so sorry for doing this.’ And then he smiled. And my lord that smile still bloody haunts me! Then about 5 minutes after that my mate started hallucinating, so we went back to my mates and we curled up in the chair like a rude impression of Stephen hawking.(Laughs) Then out of nowhere he started calling me Mr Rabbit. And we just sat there for hours laughing.

It’s these experiences that keep me wanting to take drugs. Come on, that was pretty funny. But you have some pretty rough times too. All imma says is don’t ever owe drug dealers money coz they will kill ya if you don’t pay.

I was once in the boot of a cocaine dealer's car. And I was chased down the street by Him. He wanted to beat me up more like kill me.

I mean giving up would be great because I’d be able to live a normal life but then again I’d miss this crazy life. I’m pretty sure I’ll be dead by the age of fifty. I mean I’ll be doing the world a favour. (Laughs) it’s alright I can joke about this, it's my life! I mean I’m the one who’s choosing to put these substances into my own body so I have the right to joke.

Well another time where i had a pill of mdma dipped into acid, i was shitting myself because of how strong it was hitting me and went upstairs to my mates bedroom to chill alone and then my mate came up to check on me and i looked at him i'm like mate back off now hang on he's like what? Annndd i said mate, is that a wig? he had to come over and i started pulling at his hairs hes like mate this is my real fucking hair.

Oh let me tell you about the first time I had a spliff. So I was quite young when this happened, probably 14/15! So I went and bought some weed and for some random reason I decided to go and smoke it in the forest behind my primary school. So instead of putting a little bit of tobacco with the weed I basically just made a blunt and I had quite a bit of weed on me so I thought you know what I’ll just use the lot. And me being the person I am decided to smoke the whole bloody thing! BAD IDEA! I was so high that I literally couldn’t move. I ended up sleeping in the forest for four hours. I woke up all confused and didn’t know what the hell to do or where I was! Then I thought someone was out to get me and I ran as fast as I could all the way home but on my way I stumbled and fell and my trainer came off. I was so scared and was totally sure someone was chasing me. I just carried on running home with just one trainer on.

Honestly I do wish I could give up the drugs but I really can’t. I mean all my friends are on drugs and we have a great time. I’ll feel like I’d lose my friends if I didn’t do drugs. Man they just make you paranoid that you’re going to lose everything and everyone.

There was this one time it was New Years and I was celebrating at a friend's house and I’d taken some sort of drug and I hallucinated that a big old steam train was coming towards me! It was coming from a distance through the windows and I’m pretty sure it ran me over. I screamed. But no one knew why because they couldn’t see what I was seeing.

There was this one time I was so off my head that I was basically paralytic! Now there’s not a lot I can remember from that time. But what I can remember is being really thirsty but not being able to get anything annnnndddd I forgot how to speak. I literally felt like I was dying! Not being able to move or be able to speak made me feel like It was all over for me! That is what has made me consider giving up drugs but the drugs have taken hold of me! They dig their nasty little demon claws into me and it makes me use any substance I can get my hands on. Life with a dependency of drugs is like being a prisoner

One time I was sitting in the living room at my friend's house. I was high on some sort of substance; I don’t remember what it was. Anyway it was hitting me really bad. I was standing in front of the chair I was originally sitting in. I couldn’t sit down because I was frozen in fear.