It was him

He meant everything to me. I would only fully realise this years later, when I rediscovered a photo of him and I together. As I sat looking at the photo all the memories of us, of him and I came rushing back like a tsunami. How we met. Our first kiss. And when he left. Most of my memories of him are happy, there are very few sad ones. The saddest one I have is him leaving and never coming back. It never ended badly. He just had to go.

He never left my mind or my soul. He's been there ever since he walked into my life.

Everytime i think of him now I miss him more. More than words can describe. I would love to talk to him again but i cannot pull myself to messaging him. If it was meant to be he would message.

He wasn’t just a lover he was a friend. He was the one I would tell my deepest darkest secrets to. He was the type of friend that if I had killed someone he'd help hide the body. We used to joke about that quite a bit. Oh the memories!

Our first kiss was one to remember, we were working together. He was cabling the platform above me while I was leaning up the wall with my eyes closed trying to remember everything and he leant down and kissed me. It was like a spider man kiss. It made me blush! He made the joke about it being a spiderman kiss. From that moment on I was drawn to him, even though I hardly knew him. He was only helping out for two days because he had a Master Cadet course.

While he was away he called me every night, which he was not meant to do but he risked it to talk to me. The evening he got back I met him at the train station like he asked me to do. We went back to my place and I cooked him dinner. We sat and talked for hours. He told me all about the course. He went home when it got dark.

He would always call and message me. We had a deep connection. I remember writing him a letter which he put in his wallet. He kept it there. Where he went the letter went. He said it was like a piece of me was with him wherever he was.

We stayed in contact for a few more months but then it faded and I didn't hear from him. Until this day I miss him. I miss him deeply. I miss the way he would make me laugh and smile. I miss his company. I miss the cherry sweets that look like red blood cells, that he would bring me back from the ration packs. They were my favourite. I can still taste them when I close my eyes. I miss the way he would look at me when he thought I wasn't looking. I miss the way he was with me. The way he was so kind and thoughtful. I miss his eyes, his hands, his hair, the way he smelt.

I miss him.